I also drown puppies.

I would just like to point out that tomorrow is September 1st. I have the sudden and intense urge to go buy pencils and paper. And perhaps a calculator, with lots of space on the screen, so that I can find out exactly how many zeroes are in a trillion (with a 't').

It should also be time, in my head, for me to buy books. Lots and lots of books. And then go to class and discuss them. Those discussions should naturally progress into lofty dialogues and passionate debates about the nature of humanity and the course of human events. It is a time for us to write dissertations on the greatest efforts of our race, to discuss them intelligently, sensitively, and honestly. And then, after all that is done, someone will say the 'B' word.

'Bush.'


...And then (there are now exactly fourteen minutes remaining of the first day of the second week of class)... the conversation promptly digress and degenerates into a useless sniping bitch-fest-o-rama of politically entrenched college students.

Oh how I miss it.

I liked to sit back and listen (I have since lost this ability), not having made up my mind quite yet. I'd get incensed and enraged, but oh so quietly.

...Okay, I sometimes make faces.

But then, when I couldn't stand it anymore, I would mutter something about having a background of conservative leanings, and maybe they should all shut up and get back to Marlowe.

And all Hell broke loose.

"What?!? Why the fuck would you vote for those slimy bastards? How can you stand to see all those innocent young men go to war? Don't you want the homeless to have homes? Don't you think everyone deserves health care? Don't you want everyone to eat? Don't you want to save the planet? FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T YOU LOVE BABIES?!"

...um.

This continues with the health care debate. It happens less to me now, possibly because I'm slightly more prepared for those kinds of outbursts, and I quickly use my phaser of logic (on stun). But I see it happen to other people all the time. People who like their health care, people who own guns, people who don't want to answer all the census questions because WHY THE HELL DOES THE GOVERNMENT WANT TO KNOW HOW MUCH I DRINK. (uh... more on that later.)

Conservatives are attacked with a particular brand of vitriol because they don't like welfare programs, they don't want the government to GIVE anyone anything. (Well, most conservatives. There are a few groups who don't match this card. I do.)

And this means, apparently, that we want your children to STARVE, to live OUTSIDE, we want union workers to be FIRED, and the Earth to EXPLODE already so that we can get on with our plans for the Death Star.


It's a ludicrous tactic. No, I'm not holding an anti-war sign. I must be pro-war. I don't support the health care bill. Clearly, were I a doctor, I would treat only millionaires and very pretty people. I don't think we should have bailed out the banks. I MUST think that all those workers deserved to lose their jobs. I've voted Republican, so I must agree with everything George Bush did OMG EVAR. I'm not completely opposed to sending troops overseas, I MUST want them all to die so I can keep driving my truck.

There is no other explanation. I couldn't possibly have an alternate plan involving world peace and prosperity, because I'm too busy building the Death Star in order to rule the galaxy.

I also drown puppies.