And oh there are so many to pick from. This one is small, but on the scale of zero to crazy gets about a 7.5, so I'm running with it.
A rather large chunk, around five billion (with a 'b'), of the money Congress has set aside for education out of our fancy new stimulus package (part two of forty-seven) will go to funding education programs for children ages 1-3.
Yes. One-year-olds, two-year-olds, and three-year-olds.
Um. Well this makes sense, I mean in 15 years or so they might get a job... er... as a cashier at target... or washing dishes... for about a year. Now, this is important work, to be sure. We would be miserable without them. And if they learn to wash dishes at an early age, and maybe if we get them those toy checkout counters with plastic fruit and vegetables, perhaps we can FINALLY have those highly trained cashiers we've always needed!
Is personal responsibility really this out of style? Are parents now assumed to be so stupid that the government has to step in to teach their kids to speak English and use spoons? Are day care providers so incompetent that they can't keep little Jimmy from shoving that toy firetruck up his nose?
Apparently so.
But fear not! An army of laid-off accountants will be sent in to wipe up the snot in the most cost-effective way possible, and prepare meals with organic, locally grown ingredients (kids in Minnesota during the Winter should consider packing a lunch from elsewhere on the planet). Previously out-of-work bricklayers will be hired by the federal and state governments, carefully trained in the intricacies of Lego skyscrapers, and sent to organize the the Lego city planning commissions during nap time to be implemented during the scheduled 15 minutes of play (before the Union-required hour-long break, in which the kids are on their own, presumably to play Godzilla with Legotown and trick poor Jimmy into getting yet another six-wheeled vehicle lodged in his left nostril). And, as a Gesture of Love and a Demonstration of her Supreme Goodness, Hillary Clinton will Personally extract that fire truck from the screaming kid's nasal cavity.
Well good.
So between this and the fact that the rest of the money will get swallowed up in bureaucracy, my high school will still have no paper to print tests, worksheets, and study guides for students.
No paper. But hey, those little ones are going to be sooo well behaved. And medicated.
