oh thank god. you can stream hawaiian radio. aaaahhh.... i can almost feel the sand between my toes. i can see it all now, the blinding sun, the pounding waves scaring off all the families with children, and my private waiter. why yes, i would love another drink served in a coconut. no, i don't think it's silly at all, but i don't think it'll fit in the cupholder of my plastic floaty thing. sunscreen? nooo, it's for sissies and that man over there who should be wearing a shirt. actually, could you have him removed, please? thanks. he was doing nothing for the overall look of the beach.
and, waiter, could you get rid of the reggae band for me too? there's a franklin in it for you if you can make it happen in the next three minutes...
why does everyone love reggae so much? come to think of it, why does anyone love reggae at all? between the repeating vowels and the electronic beat.... which sounds oddly like a plastic electronic keyboard i remember from the late 80's... i feel like i'm trapped in some horrific carnival. the music will slow, turn to a minor key, and blood-covered clowns will pop out of market stands wielding fire sticks as everyone runs shrieking to the beach.
maybe it's not that bad. maybe i just live in the wrong climate for reggae. about 4,000 miles from the wrong climate. hey, maybe if i wasn't shivering violently, cursing every cheerful and encouraging snowboarder for a hundred miles to an icy and horrific death, while wondering just how far south you can get on a half a tank of gas, just maybe it would appeal to me a little more.
i often express my dislike for winter, usually in a long groan about how nice it is in hawaii today. i'm usually greeted by sentences like, "oh, you don't hate winter that much, you just need to get outside more! want to borror my skis?" oh sure! i'd love to borrow your skis! i'd love nothing better than to learn a new sport while my nostrils freeze together. or, "look, the sun is shining today, it's beautiful out!" sure, it's beautiful. it might be -17, but in minnesota they call that beautiful. oh look! a little bunny's gone and got himself frozen to our lawn! we'll have an adorable statue to look at all winter! the one response i do enjoy is, "well, it's blizzarding out, want to come over and watch the dumb fucks try to drive up the hill?" (that was in duluth. topher had a great view, apparently.) mostly, i just try and wait it out till spring. which happens in june. and that's a loooong ways off.
i'm hoping to make mai tais this week. shortly after i reach the point of inability to walk under my own power due the combined effects of three kinds of rum, i plan to curl up in a snowbank, fade into blissful hypothermia, and become a lawn ornament.
and, waiter, could you get rid of the reggae band for me too? there's a franklin in it for you if you can make it happen in the next three minutes...
why does everyone love reggae so much? come to think of it, why does anyone love reggae at all? between the repeating vowels and the electronic beat.... which sounds oddly like a plastic electronic keyboard i remember from the late 80's... i feel like i'm trapped in some horrific carnival. the music will slow, turn to a minor key, and blood-covered clowns will pop out of market stands wielding fire sticks as everyone runs shrieking to the beach.
maybe it's not that bad. maybe i just live in the wrong climate for reggae. about 4,000 miles from the wrong climate. hey, maybe if i wasn't shivering violently, cursing every cheerful and encouraging snowboarder for a hundred miles to an icy and horrific death, while wondering just how far south you can get on a half a tank of gas, just maybe it would appeal to me a little more.
i often express my dislike for winter, usually in a long groan about how nice it is in hawaii today. i'm usually greeted by sentences like, "oh, you don't hate winter that much, you just need to get outside more! want to borror my skis?" oh sure! i'd love to borrow your skis! i'd love nothing better than to learn a new sport while my nostrils freeze together. or, "look, the sun is shining today, it's beautiful out!" sure, it's beautiful. it might be -17, but in minnesota they call that beautiful. oh look! a little bunny's gone and got himself frozen to our lawn! we'll have an adorable statue to look at all winter! the one response i do enjoy is, "well, it's blizzarding out, want to come over and watch the dumb fucks try to drive up the hill?" (that was in duluth. topher had a great view, apparently.) mostly, i just try and wait it out till spring. which happens in june. and that's a loooong ways off.
i'm hoping to make mai tais this week. shortly after i reach the point of inability to walk under my own power due the combined effects of three kinds of rum, i plan to curl up in a snowbank, fade into blissful hypothermia, and become a lawn ornament.
1 comment:
I've heard good things about reggae music and marijuana. Of course, I can not speak from experience.
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